“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” You’ve heard that Jim Rohn quote, haven’t you? This summer, I feel like I’m boosting my average in a profound and fabulous way. At the end of May, I attended The Most Awesome Conference for Therapists, seriously...that's what it was called and it totally lived up to it's name! The caliber of therapists and consultants that I met there was so far beyond any professional experience I've ever before had. Simple put, it was awesome - truly. At this conference I found myself immersed within a tribe of therapists who’ll be collaborators and wonderful co-conspirators. Who know’s what we’ll mix up? So many awesome things have already sprung from those connections!

Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW is one example. I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Stuart following the conference for his THE COUPLES EXPERT PODCAST.

Stuart and I talked about the connections that make everyday count and, how parent partners are the central core of creating security for a family. We delved into how couples can hone those connections to stay focused on maintaining the security that keeps relationships and families feeling safe. You’ll learn how couples can shift away from the primal panic that triggers conflicts. We also explored the special needs of stepfamilies.

If you want to raise children who are are connected and know how to have healthy relationships (and I do - that’s Connectfulness!) then, as a parent, you need to enjoy a healthy, connected relationship with your partner. Your kids learn from you and the environment that the two of you create together.

Thing is, most of us (myself included) didn’t necessarily absorb all this yummy connection in our own childhoods so we may need support as we fill in the gaps we want to teach our own kids.

The podcast is a great place to start.

http://traffic.libsyn.com/thecouplesexpert/Parent_Couple_Relationships_Are_Reflections_Of_Ourselves.mp3

Children soak up connection

Children are built to be connected beings. They’re born to attach to us and attach us to them. As parents, our role is to teach these little humans how to relate human to human. And to do this, we have to help them understand intimacy and boundaries in a way that feels safe and secure.

In other words, the relationships we have with our parents as children, and the relationships we have with our children as parents...this stuff matters.

Watching your parents be a couple together IS sexual education.

Babble.com recently featured What the Dutch Can Teach Us About Sex Ed by MICHELLE HORTON - and it includes a pretty extensive interview with me. It’s all about why it’s so important to delve into these intimate conversations. Have a look and discover why talking about pleasure is something we all must become more comfortable doing. (I promise you’ll like it!)

“I find it so important to talk about how parents enjoy one another. I suspect we often forget to teach this important piece beyond the mechanics [of sex]. Our little ones deserve to know that relating and being intimate with others can feel good, emotionally and physically. Pleasure is, after all, what drives us.”

Bringing sexual education home is about getting comfortable with pleasure and intimacy — and that’s often the dilemma, isn’t it? Have you forgotten how to connect to and enjoy your partner? Parenthood has this way of distancing mates. So many little things (and people) popping up with demands. So little time left for one another. And if your partner doesn't boost you up everyday, then who does?!

More ways to connect

If you are a Hudson Valley neighbor, consider joining me for The Art of Connectfulness: A workshop for Parenting Couples. We’ll address this dilemma while we ALSO make connecting happen in a fun tangible way.

Local or not, I encourage you to sign up for the global virtual summit on #couplesconflicts with Dr. Carlos Todd. The summit is packed with sage advice and wisdom from couples experts around the world. It includes an interview with me that will interest you if you want to learn more about the mindset of play and how it can help couples to manage conflict (if you’re following my work, I bet you do!).