Let's talk about mind reading.
No, it’s not something that I do. It’s not something that I think any of us do, but it’s something that we all wish for in our relationships.
I invite you to watch this video or read the transcript that follows.
If we look at parents’ relationships with their children, with little ones, there’s a really high degree of attunement where parents are supposed to know what their kids need.
I have a five year old. She often says to me, “Mommy, I was thinking that thing in my head and you just didn’t do it.” I think that’s a great example of how we expect others to kind of know what it is that we want. But we also have to learn—my daughter, again, is five so she’s still learning this stuff right now—how to communicate the things that we’re thinking.
Often times in relationships, we miss that step.
We think that our partner should know us so well. Right?
And if they really cared and if they were really paying attention, then that thing would just kind of happen. So, we miss that step. That’s one of the places where I’m always telling couples, telling people, telling partners to slow down.
John Gottman, one of the leading relationship experts—says that often couples get into trouble out of mindlessness, not malice.
I’d like to help you start thinking about this desire that your partner reads your mind as opportunity to tune in and to be more mindful of your relationship.
How can you play with this idea?
What your partner is really saying is, “I want to know that you’re thinking about me.” They want to feel like they matter to you, right? So, how do you play with this? How do you let your partner know that they matter?
You pay attention.
You tune in.
You notice where you feel like you’re missing something.
And you ask questions.