“There’s an old saying that goes, Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. This saying is a good compass for boundary work. Many of us are taught to be nice, to not hurt others by sharing our truth. That is a formula for disconnection. When we risk being clear with others, we have feelings of both fear and empowerment, such as nervousness, worry, clarity, relief, joy, and authenticity. When we do not risk being clear with others, we have the feelings that go along with hiding our truth: self-doubt, resentment, longing, shame, anger, loneliness, and sadness. These feelings, if unresolved and unchecked, are likely to prompt behaviors full of contempt and defensiveness, or actions that are unloving. Boundaries help us to clearly communicate who we are, in alignment with our values. It may seem paradoxical, but boundaries help us to connect to others. Doing boundary work is an act of love for both self and other people.

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