It’s not my job to make you feel better

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I turned to my husband, looked him dead in the eye, and said, “It’s not my job to make you feel better.”

The silence stretched out for just a minute. And then our eyes crinkled as we smiled at each other and high fived.

Anyone who’s been in a relationship knows that’s not a common response to someone telling you to take care of your own happiness.

On that particular night the stakes were even higher, we were sitting on the couch late night visioning into our future together. He asked me to find a way to accomplish something based on a shared dream and the answer I gave him wasn’t the outcome he wanted to hear.

He was understanding…and disappointed.  

And that’s when I told him it wasn’t my job to make him feel better. Not smugly or with any snarkiness, but rather with total regard for him, and total confidence in knowing that he wasn’t defensive.

I’m blowing up this moment in celebration of how we’ve grown. How we humans learn. And how when we learn and grow together, our dreams grow together.

You see, what’s significant in this story is how both he and I sat in the moment. Neither of us were uncomfortable. In fact, moments later we reviewed what had just transpired between us. It was awesome to see how much more in alignment our lens are then they use to be.

And it’s not because we’re trying harder either. In fact, it’s because we’re letting go more. And in the process, we’re letting in more too.

I believe that you can attain this alignment in your relationships too. Reach out if I can help.