I know that asking for what we want isn’t nearly as easy as it sounds.

Often, in our original families, we don’t really learn to share our truths; to be honest about what we feel and what we need. It’s no wonder we have trouble doing it now in our own family systems or close partnerships.

It’s not that we were taught to be untruthful. It’s just that we adapted to the silent messages that were passed along to us through our parents or care givers:

that we were too much,

not enough,

too loud,

that we were too quiet,

annoying,

silly,

not good enough at something,

not interested in the right things.

Sometimes we were put in charge, asked to manage things we didn’t know how to, asked to process things that were too complicated, asked to step up too soon…etc.

We may have become small in an attempt towards invisibility because it was safer or we may have become reactive in order to cope with whatever was happening because we felt threatened. That’s how we protected ourselves…

Throughout these times, we may never have thought of these cumulative instances as overt traumas or abusive situations and yet, little by little, our needs were not being met as children.

It’s not that our carers didn’t love us or want what was best, but sometimes just because they couldn’t see our needs and meet them, or adapt their own behavior we never learned how to acknowledge what we needed, what we really wanted and how to ask for help when needed.

In order not to rock the boat, not to bring shame on ourselves or our parents, not to disrupt, or lose whatever amount of respect or love we felt we’d secured for ourselves, we inadvertently continued, past the point of their usefulness, these assumed behaviors—and maybe we’re coming to see they don’t serve us anymore.

Sometimes we’re not even aware that we’re enacting them.

But these adaptive coping legacies now impact our relationships with our partners and children and there’s a feeling of being stuck in a cycle of behavior that doesn’t help.

So it may be time…to make a choice. To take a very conscious step. To stake your claim on this very inconvenient truth:

that your authentic voice is now needed.

And the voice that tells you you’re too much, so you keep quiet, or that you’re not enough, so you yell…you can talk to that voice.

It’s not easy and yet, I must say…once you’ve done it. Wow. The shift is momentous.

Staking your claim; talking to your old voices; seeing your Self, seeing your partner, listening… is becoming RELATIONAL instead of reactive and is a breath of fresh air for a family system.

Doing it with 3 Certified Relational Life Therapists is a safe, clear and (dare we say) fun way to commence!

If you’re ready to find out how, click here.

Speak again soon,