Sexuality is a part of who we are and we all deserve to learn about it in a way that is safe, comfortable, and judgement-free. Learning about positive sexuality is transformative for individuals and society overall. My guest, Elizabeth Greenblatt, strives to support young people develop the skills to navigate their sexuality in a healthy and fulfilling way and believes young people must be at the center of this work.

Elizabeth says “we must understand that young people are the experts on their lives and listen to them. We must be willing to listen without judgement and provide support that helps them to make healthy decisions and think critically about their choices. And we must talk about pleasure. Only talking about sex within the context of disease and pregnancy prevention does a disservice to young people and doesn't help them build skill in prioritizing healthy and pleasurable experiences.”

Being listened to is huge, it teaches us how to listen to (and know) ourselves. Knowing the Self is such an important starting point. And yet, generations upon generations of parents pass down their own not knowing. One of the biggest ways we can change this narrative is through listening. These skills are building blocks for health romantic relationships and communication. Listening is a huge part of having consensual conversations.

With the holidays approaching and COVID on the uprise around the country I hope our conversation about how sex education can be done well also may shed light on how we can navigate necessary but often challenging conversations around public health, consent and differences in risk tolerance while tending to ourselves and listening to one another. If there’s a silver lining from the pandemic it’s that we have daily opportunities to practice talking about consent, risk, our differing comfort levels, and develop conversational skill around bodily autonomy.

SHOW NOTES:

It is harmful for to keep information away from young people. Teenagers are a part of changing the world, always. We need more norms around listening to teens and really allowing them to have expertise around their experience.

Parents who open discussions with their children about sexuality tend to see their children take less risks in connection to their health. Their children are more likely to access health services, and there's evidence of it increasing connection between parents/caregivers and their children.

Sexuality is a part of us, we can't disconnect from ourselves because we're uncomfortable with it. It serves us to understand it, to accept it, to allow ourselves to explore what feels good and what does not feel good to us and be able to really clearly communicate that.

Help your young person learn to communicate their needs and desires and have a real clear sense of themselves and who they are. The moment your they (or anyone) feels judged, they’re out of there.

Take a pause and LISTEN more than you talk. Ask open ended question of your child so that you can really sit and listen. These are mini conversations. Stop trying to explain everything in one sitting. Fight your urge to keep talking and talking.

Parents and caregivers are incredibly important in shaping the values and decision making skills of young folks, especially around sexuality.

Being able to make a mistake and hold ourselves in warm regard despite that mistake is one of our biggest skills of maturation.

When we don’t examine what we learned, how it impacted, and continues to impact us, we repeat patterns that were done to us.

Questions for deeper exploration:

What does your healthy sexual adult child look like?

What skills do they need to get there?

How can you support them?

What are your own values?

What is it that you learned?

How did this impact your relationships?

How does it still?

What do you want to improve about how you communicate what your needs are?

There’s no have to —everybody gets to make their own choices— and what a beautiful thing to know “oh this does not feel super comfortable to me.”

Consent is about more than sex.

Covid19 has brought consent front and center in our lives. If there’s a silver lining of pandemic, it’s that we will all have better skills in having difficult conversations. We have to choose who we touch, who we let inside our pods, where we meet, and what we are comfortable with. We ask questions like "How many other people are you interacting with? and are you generally wearing masks? or not? And when you aren't, what does that look like?"

Important to gain a clear understanding of your own risk tolerance, and understand that everyone has different risk tolerance levels. Share what you feel safe with and what you don't feel safe with. Set boundaries and be honest with what you would be comfortable with in order to get together. This applies to relationships too.

If you're going to engage with folks, make sure that they are people you trust and are worth your time.

Early friendships and family relationships are the building blocks for what kind of romantic relationships they will enter. Helping children communicate with family and friends what they are/are not comfortable with is a really important skill that will serve them as they mature.

Knowing the Self and one’s own wants transforms relationships. Help your children get to know themselves, and know it’s OK to say who they are and what they want. If someone rejects them for sharing who they are and their truth, is that someone they want to spend time with?

Being listened to is a building block for healthy romantic relationships and communication.

RESOURCES:

Elizabeth Greenblatt has been teaching about health and sexuality for over 25 years. Elizabeth currently works with Sex Savvy Hudson Valley to support and provide comprehensive sexuality education to students, teachers, administrators, and staff. She also provides community and online workshops parents/caregivers, adults, and young people. Find Elizabeth at: sexsavvyhudsonvalley.com and learn more about her upcoming online sex-ed program for 3rd-5th graders at sexsavvyhudsonvalley.com/events

Rebecca’s practice and upcoming online offerings: connectfulness.com

Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp
April 24-25, 2021
This is an authorized presentation of Terry Real's Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp facilitated by Rebecca Wong, Victoria Easa, and Juliane Taylor Shore, Certified Relational Life Therapists. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Through a combination of lecture, role-play, small group exercises and personal work, this workshop will help you to attain the relationships you want in your life.

Supporting Your Relational Self
Begins February 2021
6-week-online-course focuses on your relationship to Self, other intimate relations, and will help participants cultivate practices to sustain during these chaotic times filled with pandemic, uprising and beyond. Based on the teachings of Pia Mellody, we'll explore core issues that affect us all in relationships and the skills that will expand your Self & relational care practices.

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